LIFE!

HAHAH

Top Ten Signs You are Addicted to the Internet

1. You kiss your girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s home page.
2. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
3. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
4. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
5. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
6. You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem and a laptop.
7. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap… and your child in the overhead compartment.
8. All you daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8… ISDN… cable modem… T1… T3…
9. And even your night dreams are in HTML.
10. You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.com.

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Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

1. Things you don’t want to hear during surgery:
2. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
3. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.”
4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
6. Hand me that… uh… that uh… that thingy there.
7. Oh no! Where’s my Rolex.
8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
9. There go the lights again?
10. “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys? and this guy’s got two of ‘em.”

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Top Ten Things to Describe a Stupid Person

1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.
   
   
2. A few clowns short of a circus.
   
   
3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
   
   
4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
   
   
5. A few beers short of a six-pack.
   
   
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
   
   
7. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
   
   
8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
   
   
9. One taco short of a combination plate.
   
   
10. A few feathers short of a whole duck